Domestic Violence in Asian Communities
"Something" by Bambu, part of his album "Short Changed," coming out April 29th.
Bambu made this song because domestic violence affected his family growing up. You can check out how much Asian, Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander communities are affected by DV throughout the US at the National Center for Domestic and Sexual Violence. The NCDSV also has plenty of other interesting articles on how people perceive and are affected by DV that I would like to explore, too.
Last year, I personally trained to be a domestic and sexual violence hotline counselor to address such issues. I believe everyone who’s serious about fighting patriarchy and oppression overall should go through such training. If not, we are prone, on one end, to victim-blaming and on the other, to usurping the survivor’s agency because we want what’s best for them, even if they are not ready to fight their oppression yet. Unfortunately, what happened at the end of “Something” is not realistic—and also not good for the survivor, as much as I cheered her on. Many survivors love their abusers as well as hate, fear, pity, and sympathize with them. If your partner with whom you’ve had a long, committed relationship started introducing elements of abuse into the relationship, you would be likely to let them slip with minor violence until it all adds up. Domestic and sexual violence is never that clear-cut or easy to solve. And understanding survivor and abuser psychologies is part and parcel to fighting oppression and liberating survivors of abuse. For instance, everyone should learn that while abusers blame others for their behavior, they are absolutely and completely responsible for what they do. Abusers may hit their partners or other family members, but would they hit their bosses, their neighbors, their friends? Absolutely fucking not. Thus, they can control their behavior, and don’t let them convince you otherwise. If you’re interested in more info about this topic, comment on this post, and I’d be happy to continue the conversation.
This is part 2 of two posts on yellow fever. Here is the first post, “Say NO… to Horny Men Who Have Yellow Fever.”
Yellow fever, also called Asian fetish or orientalism, is an (oftentimes exclusive) attraction non-Asian people have towards Asian people, typically women, and/or cultures. Since the phenomenon complicates the common understanding of racism, less-informed folks tend to think of it simplistically, as merely an “attraction” or “preference” and thus perceive it to be a positive dynamic. At most, if people who support yellow fever are called out, they erect a wall around it, calling it a personal issue that others have no right to comment on. By the way, that is how patriarchy often works—oppressors hide and individualize their problems, such as in cases of domestic violence. Thus, an occurrence of violence is made to seem like a one-time issue, not a reflection of a larger systemic problem, so that abusers can keep up their abuse.
Yellow fever is a difficult subject to broach for me because I react viscerally when I see it. Not only am I tired of my direct experience with this oppression, but I am also tired of explaining it. To be fair, this is tricky business. It is not immediately obvious that racist desire is still racist and often patriarchal. Yellow fever reduces Asian women to just their race or nationality, attributing all attractive aspects about them to their race. Asian women are stereotyped to be submissive, exotic, and shy yet sexual objects to be dominated. Thus, the connection between the stereotype and the fantasies of sexual violence is apparent once you explore the implications of these ideas. If Asian women are sex dolls who do not know any better, who is all the better to rape them than racist non-Asian patriarchs?
The objectification also reduces women’s nationalities to something static and uncivilized, which is central to the idea of orientalism. Asian women are supposedly products of the mysterious “Orient,” which is a savage, one-dimensional land of patriarchal samurai and dancing women in hijabs who need to be freed from these patriarchs. Yes, I purposefully mixed up the different cultures because to people who actually subscribe to these notions, there are no differences among the various Asian cultures. Neither are there complexities to the manifestation of patriarchy in Vietnam, for example, as opposed to that in the Philippines. To those with yellow fever, the solution to ending patriarchy in all of Asia is to enforce their own version of patriarchy.
I dated a white man briefly and noticed that he had an inexplicable attraction towards East Asian women and cultures. Since he was a self-proclaimed radical, I decided to take up the issue with him. Okay, I admit that his arrogance also annoyed me, so I wanted to bruise his ego at the very least.
He did not deny that he had yellow fever, although he said he was not an orientalist. As an aside, I do not see the difference between the two. For more on orientalism, check out this YouTube video, “On Orientalism,” which explains Edward Said’s position on how the stereotyping of Arabs and other Asian peoples justifies imperialism.
Edward Said is pissed about orientalism
The white man gave the classic defense that he could not control who he was attracted to and tried to divert the conversation numerous times, saying, for instance, that white worship is hard on him, too. (Sorry, boy, that’s a tough sell!) When he found that I was not easily distracted, he asked me, what was he to do, not date people who attracted him?
Finally, as the kicker, he was angry about the way I phrased the problem, instead of engaging with the content of my argument. He said, “I wouldn’t even be defensive if you said to me, ‘90% of the desires you have are complete bullshit,’ but you’re like, ‘I don’t like people.’” For the record, the discussion started when I said that I like it when people don’t have yellow fever. During the conversation, I advised that “it helps to fight yellow fever if you deconstruct your desire and read good racial analyses, especially as they link to patriarchy, imperialism, and the like.” I never said I hated anybody. And even if I did, how does that negate the validity of my argument? How smart of him to throw down all the defenses that people typically use to avoid self-criticism!
I have been uncertain that yellow fever can be cured, but what is racist desire and hatred but two sides of the same coin? They are both dehumanizing, rooted in the desire to control and consume the minds, bodies, cultures, and resources of the oppressed. If racial hatred can be torn down by humility, open-mindedness, good analysis, and practice that feeds the analysis, such as when people of different nationalities struggle together to win workers’ rights, so can racist desire. I had told this guy that it helps to deconstruct his own desire and read good racial analyses. I am now more convinced that it is not only a good starting point but it can end the yellow fever as well. But oppressors have to start by breaking their silence and admitting their faults. Guilt does nobody any good. We have to move beyond that and truly fight for the self-determination of the oppressed, starting with addressing our own complicity.